March 15th: Beware the Ides of March

    Sorry I haven't checked in since my surgery!  I hope you weren't too worried.  I have made a full recovery and most everything has begun to get back to normal.  My current weight is 240, still.  I've obviously hit a plateau but I'm going to work through it the best I can.

I'm going through a bit of a personal crisis with my relationship right now.  I finally got the BF to go to counseling and he is trying to work through some really difficult issues concerning his past and relationships in the past that have hurt him making it hard for him to be in relationships now as an adult.  As much as our relationship IS NOT the problem (it's just a catalyst for issues) it's hard for me to really think that this doesn't affect our relationship in some way.  Needless to say he is really emotionally confused right now; he doesn't know how he feels about anything, including me.  So he asked for a break from me because he just can't seem to sort out his feeling while being in a relationship.

So I packed up the essentials and went to stay with my parents for an undetermined amount of time.

I'm really trying to be understanding about this situation and his emotional distress but it's difficult not to feel like I got the raw end of this deal.  I do feel hurt and rejected and I do feel like he doesn't appreciate all the good things I bring into his life and most of all I feel like he doesn't need me and that I'm useless to him. 

The good news (if you want to call it that) is that we are still talking and we both still love each other, he just doesn't know what that means for him and his life right now.

In the interim I am jamming my calendar with people who love and care about me and want me in their life and appreciate my many talents and skills.

Here is a list of projects and things I'm involving myself in to mask the pain:

• Alterations and garment reconstruction on commission.
• Painting and redecorating the guest room I'm staying in at my parent's house.
• Making a skirt from polka-dot lace for myself.
• Trying to keep the house clean and cooking healthy food for my family.
• Several crochet projects.
• Planning a baby shower (which I need help with, I have no idea what I'm doing!
• Volunteering with high school students helping them conceptualize designs and create garments for "Project Goodwill" where they create 3 themed looks from donation items to compete for a scholarship prize for their group. This is basically my specialty, making cool stuff from weird crap!

So yeah, sorry for all the sad sack stuff but that's what's going on.

 

 

 

Comments

[Flamingodancer.wordpress.com]

I am sorry, but I have never been able to understand how when someone says they love you, that they can ask you to go away when they are suffering. To my way of thinking that is when they should want you with them. That is only my opinion, and not necessarily right or should be considered in anyway.

[Amy]

Mrs. FD, I agree with you 100%. That is the main reason I am hurting so much over this, I can't be there for him and help him work through this. But at some point I've got to wake up and realize that I'm in love with someone who can't adequately reciprocate and move on from there.